In the event of a life-threatening situation...
I'm going to let you all in on something that could save your life. Maybe. Or not.
It began as a fun drive down to Seattle. A few friends and I decided to make the drive down for no reason whatsoever.*
We had set out after midnight, and enjoyed a long, quiet, and nice drive down. Once arriving in Seattle, we stopped at a 7-11, since I needed gum. The jackass there intentionally shortchanged me after having watched me struggle with the money. There are just too few coins and too few colours goin' on with American money, in comparison to ours. I'm sure the guy got a huge kick out of watching me. Not to mention ripping me off.
We then ended up at Lenny's. No. Denny's!** (We ended up there, because no one goes to Denny's, you just end up at Denny's.) The moment we walked in the doors I think my lungs took off on me. Now, I was a smoker at the time. And a heavy smoker at that. I couldn't believe how nasty the ceiling tiles were in there, nor could I get over the fact that I think I was inhaling more smoke through the air than by smoking. Gag. Then, I figured fries and gravy was a good choice. I was given a choice of gravies. (A choice of gravies?? What the fuck??) I believe the choices were something like Sausage Gravy and Country Gravy. I figured the Country Gravy sounded better. Nope. It turns out that Country Gravy means a-blob-of-gelatinous-white-goo-with bits-of-stuff-in-it. Not appealing.
After being thoroughly disgusted by the food, and having potentially lost 90% of my lung capacity during the Denny's visit, we decided to head to the Space Needle. By this point it was about 5am. Obviously, considering the time, the Space Needle wasn't open. So, we pulled up and noticed a police cruiser parked just ahead. I decided to get out and ask them what time the Space Needle would be open. So, stupid, naïve jen gets out of the car and approaches the cops. From the rear. In the dark.
Well.
I was greeted by guns. Oh yeah. And the good ol' "Freeze! Don't move! Put your hands in the air!" deal. I nearly shit my pants.
And what did I decide to say at that moment?
"Don't shoot! I'm Canadian!"
I'm not sure why that's what I said. I mean, I could be a criminal, regardless of my nationality, but that's what I said. Then, the one cop actually laughed at me and said something along the lines of "Well, you must be, to have approached us from behind like that."
Now, I'm not sure if he meant that Canada is just safer, and therefore we're not used to having to skirt around cops, or if he was implying Canadians are morons.
Probably the latter.
But, either way...next time you're in a precarious situation, just throw your hands in the air, and tell 'em you're Canadian.
It just may save your life.
After all, laughter can diffuse even the most volatile of situations.
---------------
* Actually, I wanted a Jack In The Box head. Don't tell anyone.
** I'm not insane. Remember those commercials with the old ladies? One would keep saying Lenny's and would be sternly corrected by the others? Really. It was a commerical many years back.
It began as a fun drive down to Seattle. A few friends and I decided to make the drive down for no reason whatsoever.*
We had set out after midnight, and enjoyed a long, quiet, and nice drive down. Once arriving in Seattle, we stopped at a 7-11, since I needed gum. The jackass there intentionally shortchanged me after having watched me struggle with the money. There are just too few coins and too few colours goin' on with American money, in comparison to ours. I'm sure the guy got a huge kick out of watching me. Not to mention ripping me off.
We then ended up at Lenny's. No. Denny's!** (We ended up there, because no one goes to Denny's, you just end up at Denny's.) The moment we walked in the doors I think my lungs took off on me. Now, I was a smoker at the time. And a heavy smoker at that. I couldn't believe how nasty the ceiling tiles were in there, nor could I get over the fact that I think I was inhaling more smoke through the air than by smoking. Gag. Then, I figured fries and gravy was a good choice. I was given a choice of gravies. (A choice of gravies?? What the fuck??) I believe the choices were something like Sausage Gravy and Country Gravy. I figured the Country Gravy sounded better. Nope. It turns out that Country Gravy means a-blob-of-gelatinous-white-goo-with bits-of-stuff-in-it. Not appealing.
After being thoroughly disgusted by the food, and having potentially lost 90% of my lung capacity during the Denny's visit, we decided to head to the Space Needle. By this point it was about 5am. Obviously, considering the time, the Space Needle wasn't open. So, we pulled up and noticed a police cruiser parked just ahead. I decided to get out and ask them what time the Space Needle would be open. So, stupid, naïve jen gets out of the car and approaches the cops. From the rear. In the dark.
Well.
I was greeted by guns. Oh yeah. And the good ol' "Freeze! Don't move! Put your hands in the air!" deal. I nearly shit my pants.
And what did I decide to say at that moment?
"Don't shoot! I'm Canadian!"
I'm not sure why that's what I said. I mean, I could be a criminal, regardless of my nationality, but that's what I said. Then, the one cop actually laughed at me and said something along the lines of "Well, you must be, to have approached us from behind like that."
Now, I'm not sure if he meant that Canada is just safer, and therefore we're not used to having to skirt around cops, or if he was implying Canadians are morons.
Probably the latter.
But, either way...next time you're in a precarious situation, just throw your hands in the air, and tell 'em you're Canadian.
It just may save your life.
After all, laughter can diffuse even the most volatile of situations.
---------------
* Actually, I wanted a Jack In The Box head. Don't tell anyone.
** I'm not insane. Remember those commercials with the old ladies? One would keep saying Lenny's and would be sternly corrected by the others? Really. It was a commerical many years back.
<< Home