I read the news today, oh boy...

Actually, I read the news yesterday.

Ok, actually, if you want to get technical, this started about a week ago.

Last week I was reading a local paper, and I came across a column in which a very good satirical approach was taken in regards to the marriages recalled in California.

The article was funny, but quite obviously had a serious underlying tone. The gist of it was that Americans had done the unthinkable - they'd invented the time machine! And, not only that, the time machine is your closet. Yup. You simply step back into it, and you'll be magically transported back to a time of less freedom, less equality, etc. It was fantastic. In fact, I kept that paper.

Well, some fucking jackass which I will refer to as Cro-magnon man, sent a letter to the editor that was printed in yesterday's paper. I was enraged! I was shaking with anger. No. I was seething with anger. I lost it. The fact that anyone can have their head so far up their ass in this day and age completely boggled my mind.

After calming myself down a bit (I'm actually still not completely calm) I parked my ass at the computer and typed up my own letter to the editor. I wish I could have gotten a better grip on my emotions and possibly have written a better letter, but it was not gonna happen. I'm not sure if it will end up being published, since I suspect the paper will be bombarded with letters from other enraged folks. I'll be sure to let you know.

At any rate, I took the time to type up Cro-magnon man's letter since the paper has no website that I can simply link to, and I'll share it with you all now. It pained me to have to actually type up some of the things he said and the terms he used. I'll also share my response.

Warning: Make sure you have all your chakras aligned and have found your happy place before reading ahead.

Cro-magnon man's letter:

Dear Editor:

Lynn Welburn's long-winded whine about the U.S. going back in time because they upheld the law and voided 4,000 illegal gay marriages is laughable.

Although she was right about the 4,000 illegal marriages being voided she is mistaken in thinking we are going backward in time.

I suggest we are moving forward. That the majority, a majority who do not want homosexuality thrown in our children's faces, have finally been stirred towards a little action of our own.

And oh how Lynn and this paper's editors hate the other side exercising their rights.

Well the foundation is now being laid to finally put people's personal sexual preference back into the private domain where it belongs. I and many other people do not care what Lynn Welburn or any other person thinks about homosexuality.

We only care they keep it to themselves and out of our kids' faces. But somehow I think people like Lynn and this paper's editors can't stand not shoving it down our kids' throats.

Don't whine when we fight back.

The majority rules.

Get used to it.

If you really want to keep pushing "being gay is OK" down my kid's throat maybe we should make homosexuality illegal again?

And your constant reference to intimacy as "bumping uglies" shows your total lack of respect for yourself and others.

You teach all the kids you meet those terms? This is a community newspaper. Grow up.

Philip Hathaway
Nanaimo

And this was my response:

Dear Editor:

I was outraged to read the letter sent in by Philip Hathaway, in response to Lynn Welburn's wonderfully satirical article concerning the recall of the 4,000 same-sex marriages in California.

Mr. Hathaway demonstrated just how horribly homosexuals are often treated. A treatment which is wholly unfair and just as closed-minded.

The fact that Mr. Hathaway stated that he does "not care what Lynn Welburn or any other person thinks about homosexuality" is appalling, and a prime indication of the aforementioned closed-mindedness. Another statement was "Don't whine when we fight back." Fighting back is indicative of self-defence. I honestly fail to see how homosexuals would personally harm you. We just love a little differently. Not exactly scary.

As a lesbian mother, I was particularly upset by the comments suggesting homosexuals should keep their sexual orientation not only private, but also away from children. How absurd. For one thing, love is love, Mr. Hathaway. Children could stand to see more of it. More importantly, however, children should most definitely be exposed to such things. It wouldn't create gays (you do know homosexuality is not contagious, right, Mr. Hathaway?), and would simply make them aware that people are different from one another. Aren't our differences what make us unique as individuals? Would you suggest that people with a skin colour other than your own stay behind closed doors? I sincerely hope not.

There are countless gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth out there who feel immense shame and confusion about themselves. Homosexuality is not a choice. There are children and teens out there who are severely harassed, commit suicide, and are killed because of their sexuality. It's sickening. Not to mention quite avoidable. Tolerance is not acceptance, but for some people tolerance is at least a ray of light. To simply suggest gays remain in the closet is certainly not helping anything. It's also archaic. This is, believe it or not, the year 2004. Heterosexuals would certainly never keep their love and sexual orientation hidden, and why should we? We're human, and deserve to be treated as such.

If you have a problem with queers, simply avoid us. We're certainly not going anywhere. Get used to it.

Jennifer Chisholm
Nanaimo